Best part of the whole situation....

OK so in the true sense of the word honesty, i will share........Dating the guy who i referenced in posting about sex, got dumped -- why you ask -- it all depends on the day you ask.  Day 1 of the communication -- i would have said that he was unrealistic, cancelling the date, then trying to make it my issue --- say goodbye, i am done.  DAY 2 and DAY 3, i proceeded to trash him to my friends, explaining things the way i saw them.  HOWEVER, when i re-read the communication on DAY 4 -- I read it wrong.  WTF -- I AM THE ONE THAT WAS WRONG, i am the one that was crazy and out of line.  I went back and corrected everything with my friends.  Then i corrected things with him.  He did not respond  :(   I guess that is that.

Getting back on the proverbial horse

I am sick of starting over again and again.  So after I got dumped by Mr. JustOK, I realize that now i have to start over.  UGHHHH!  I just want to be done with this....... I find myself wishing i was one of those people that seem to have endless options for dating.  I am not looking for too much.  I want someone who is smart and funny, the kind of person that would take his parents in when they are old, some who wants children or more children, someone calming, someone strong both emotionally and physically, must like dogs, like to get out and about as much as relax at home, someone who is career oriented but not a work-a-holic, must smile with his eyes, must also have a nice smile, everything else is workable......is that too much --- in order to get that, what must i look like? be like?   So frustrating. 

Rejction is the topic of the night!

Rejection -- it is an inevitable part of dating, right?  So i had been dating a guy who i thought was nice but didn't think it was going to work out.  No particular reason but it just didn't seem right.  However, being a dating veteran, and open minded, i figured that i would play this out.  He cancelled our date on monday.  When i asked him why, he wrote back stating that i needed to figure out what i am doing with the other guy.  Here's the messed up part,  I AM NOT DATING ANYONE ELSE --- not even being chatted up by anyone.  So now he doesn't answer me and I feel rejected.  How is it possible to suffer rejection at the hands of a guy who you were sticking around to give it the benefit of the doubt.  Does that make me crazy?  Or is just that i secretly (or not so secretly now) want every guy i date to be eating out of my hands........So how do you deal with it differently so you dont get all the crappy feelings of rejection. 

So my response, is to go on line and rant about it.  i also emailed a couple new guys ---i dont feel better

Starting this tonight.....

So I am now sitting in my house after getting all dolled up for a date which was cancelled.  Sure it sounds like he had a good excuse but my guess is he isn't interested.  I am frustrated as hell and I guess i am sick of complaining to my friends.  So, I decided to complain into the vast world of the internet.  To remain anonymous and to finally say all the thoughts in my head.

Thought 1 -- games.  everyone says they don't like playing them but then go right ahead and play them.  Myself included.  Here is the deal.  I am a female and i like to have sex.  Not crazy kinky sex but good old mind blowing sex!  Which means that i am more likely than most to jump into bed if i am attracted.  Here is the best part -- i don't confuse it with love.  There is a HUGE difference between the lustful sex in the beginning and intimate sex when your in love with someone.  I realize that kind of makes me like a dude because sex doesnt mean everything to me but it is what it is.  So what do i get for my enjoyment of sex -- getting used.  I get guys who just dont bother with the other part of building a relationship.  Leaving me with option to hold out (which i consider a game since it isn't what i want to do) until said guy can prove that he is in it for me.  WTF. 

I am sick of people telling me that i have to be myself, except for the whole sex thing.........isn't that not being myself?  Please dont make the mistake of thinking that i am just looking for way to justify my slutty ways.  I can still count all of the guys i have slept with on my hands. 


More thoughts to come.....